Today feels surreal. I feel in a cloud of emotion, mostly hiding behind all the busy-ness of leaving...gotta pack this, transfer files, shop for that one last thing. Write notes, tidy up, and turn off the lights. It was hard to walk out of my office today. I couldn't take my name off the door. I tried. Couldn't do it. Couldn't bear to think that I am actually leaving for good, that someone else will be in this spot when I come back next time, that one day, the kids here won't know me.
Leaving Nikki's house was hard. She has been not just a co-worker but a very, very good friend. She has shared so many of my ups and downs, the frustrations, the excitements, the tears, and lots and lots of laughter. I am going to miss walking into her office to tell her of someone's latest antics. I told her she needs to call me sometimes and put me on speaker phone and just let me listen. I also told her he's not allowed to stop by my office and talk to the new me either.
I know this move is a good one. There are many things for which to be grateful. For starters, I get to stay home with my little boy instead of working 50 hours a week. We get to live near the mountains, in a place where snow is common and not a rarity. I'm sure my winters will eventually be spent hoping the snow will dissipate rather than praying for it to appear! We get to live in a place of activity, where there is almost always something to go do or a new restaurant to try, instead of having to drive over an hour for these things. And Scott, who has worked so hard and with such diligence, gets to be a Professor of New Media at one of the top 20 liberal arts universities in the country. He has an office that looks out at Pikes Peak for goodness' sake! So, yes, this is a good move.
Even still, it is hard to say goodbye. It is hard to start again. It is hard to look forward without reservation.
I remind myself of the hesitations I felt nearly 9 years ago as I moved into N-16 at Applecreek in Stillwater. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I just knew that I didn't know what to do with my life, so grad school seemed like the best option (um, where were the knowledgeable people back then who could have told me differently??). I applied to OSU simply because my mom and grandparents had gone there. I really wanted to go to OU. OSU gave me the better offer, so OSU it was. I jumped in with both feet. I knew no one, and I came home to an empty apartment every night. And I was scared.
Little did I know what was really in store for me. I had no idea that it was at OSU that I would meet my husband, that I would make lifelong friends, that I would find a job that I love. Little did I know that my 2-year plan would turn into 9 years, that I would actually leave without my degree but with the love of my life, and that we would have a beautiful son in tow. I had no idea about all of the lives that I would come into contact with, whether through teaching Comp 1 or Comp 2 to all the baby freshmen (and some seniors!) or through my work as an academic facilitator and learning specialist for OSU's Academic Services for Student-Athletes. Through the wonders of modern technology, I have been able to maintain these relationships and watch as all of "my children" grow. I've watched as EJ, who introduced me to this new phenomenon called Facebook, met his future wife and got closer to marriage. I've seen Dacia, Sydney, and Jesse have babies of their own. I've seen Andrew, Russell, Andre, Terrance and TJ graduate. I've seen Hubert, Kye, and Richetti overcome incredible obstacles in order to do what they love. I've watched as Russell and Kendall fulfill their dreams of making it to the NFL. I've met amazing young women, like Flash, Christy and Marissa, Caroline and Rachel, Julie and Tamara. I've fallen in love with these kiddos, who aren't really kids at all. They made it fun to go into work every day. They make it sad for me to leave.
As I look back on my life these past 9 years, I have nothing but joy. Don't get me wrong; there were many heartaches. For as many ups, there were just as many downs. But, overall, as I look back, I see God's hand in all of it, creating me into the person that I am today. I came to this place, thinking I'd be here for a long 2 years and then leave with my Master's degree. I drove away with my soul mate, my son, a host of little brothers and sisters, wonderful friends, and amazing memories. I didn't always see it, but, my, what a beautiful story.
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